through thunder and lightning
by raiaalily
Summary: i'll brave the storm with you. — lenrin; long-distance au. [ emotionally-heavy themes ]


**[ note. ]** are they lovers? are they just friends? who knows.

.

.

.

 **/ through thunder and lightning /**

.

'I'm sorry,' Rin breathes. There's a glass-brittle edge to her tone, thin and waning, as if she'll shatter to pieces at any given moment. 'I'm sorry, I know it's really early for you over there and I know you're busy, I'm _sorry_ , I just – '

She's right, of course – it's nine in the morning and he's still setting up for his shift at the restaurant – but he merely signals to his co-workers that this is an important call. They nod in understanding and shoo him away, so he makes a beeline for the backroom, readjusting the phone cradled between his ear and his right arm to make himself comfortable. 'No, no, it's okay.'

'She gave me the go.' Rin's composure cracks the same time her voice does. 'My mum gave me the _go_ , Len.'

'Rin – '

'She gave me the go, she – she told me I was useless and hopeless and stupid and I was better off _dead_ , she told me she wouldn't be sad if I died she would be happy, she would be _so happy_ and I want to make her happy my existence means _nothing_ it never did if I could just _die_ – '

'Hey,' Len says, swallowing thickly. Hearing such horrible things from the girl he adores so much has pushed an ice-cold knife into his heart, but he has to stay calm. He has to stay calm. 'Hey, now, Rin, _shh_ – listen to me. Listen. It's alright. No one's dying today. It's going to be alright.'

Rin falls silent, but he can still pick up on her shaky breathing. 'It's going to be alright,' he repeats. 'You're not dying today. You're going to be alright.'

'I'm not good enough.' Her laughter is a low rumble of thunder rolling through the receiver. 'I can't draw. I can't keep up. Everyone I know can draw so much better, they're all so popular and talented and kind. I can't match up to them. I can't. I can't. I can't.'

The swell of icy panic returns; Len recognises that train of thought and where it leads. 'Hey, hey – '

'I'm not good enough. I'm NEVER good enough, NEVER NEVER _NEVER_ , IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT I DO IT DOESN'T _MATTER_ IT JUST HURTS IT ALWAYS HURTS AND I WANT TO DIE BUT NO ONE LETS ME DIE _WHY CAN'T I DIE_ – '

Rin's crying too hard to say anything else for a while, and with each faint sob of pain that reaches his ears the ice-cold knife only twists in deeper still.

'Rin,' he murmurs. Stay calm, stay calm. 'Rin, _Rin_ , sweetheart – it's okay. I know it hurts, I know, but it matters. It matters. _You_ matter, and you're more than enough. It's okay. _You're_ okay.'

More than anything in the world, Len wishes for the day he's able to _be there_ for her in person. He wishes for time-zones to cease being a thing and for distance to stop being a problem, he wishes for the depression that eats at her starbright soul to leave her be.

She doesn't deserve to feel like this. _No one_ deserves to feel like this.

But for now –

'You're so brave, you know that, Rin? Dealing with stress from both your tough-as-nails art school and your hell of a mother, struggling with your own feelings – you're so, _so_ brave, and it's amazing. _You're_ amazing.'

– this is the best he can do.

Slowly but surely, his soothing words seem to reach her; like the calm after a storm, Rin's sobs eventually subside.

'... I'm tired.'

'That's fine, since it's – ' He pulls the phone away from his ear just long enough for a quick glance at the time on his phone screen. _10:03am._ ' – a few minutes past two. Pretty late for you, isn't it?'

'Mm, yeah. I guess I should sleep.' There's some rustling in the background that makes Len picture her wrapping the blankets around her small frame, with her phone serving as the only active light source in the darkness of her bedroom. 'Oh, and, um – Len.'

'Yeah?'

'Thank you.'

Len hums, a small smile curving on his lips. 'You're always welcome. Stay safe and talk to you in the evening?'

Rin yawns softly. 'Stay safe and talk to you in the morning.'

.

.

.

 **[ disclaimer. ]** i do not own vocaloid.


End file.
